I feel like my anger is ruining my marriage, how can I stop this?

It’s a terrible feeling when you know that you are watching your marriage deteriorate before your very eyes. It’s a much worse feeling when you know that this deterioration is potentially your fault. And that can be especially bad if you’re dealing with something that you feel like you need to learn to control, like your anger.

Someone might explain: “I am fully aware that my anger is destroying my marriage. And what is so terrible is that I was not always like this. I used to be carefree and laid back. It used to take a lot to get angry. case. I have two children under the age of three. I feel pushed in many different directions. I feel incredibly overwhelmed. And I guess because of this, I find myself criticizing almost everyone. My children. My husband. My mom. Sometimes my Anger seems to come out of nowhere, but then once it shows up, I just can’t seem to control it. I’ll say things that I can’t believe are coming out of my mouth. And I’m going to hit things. Last night when we were having dinner, one of the children mentioned he didn’t like food. Typical toddler stuff. I asked him to try it anyway. He refused. And I got up, left the table, and he pushed my chair so hard it made him cry. My husband followed behind of me and told me that he did not recognize the person in whom I had converted. He asked me when a person had become angry. I told him I don’t know. He said he is not sure how long he will be able to live this way. He said that he had told himself that he would never put his children in a broken home, but insisted that my anger is very unhealthy for them too. How can I stop my anger from destroying my family and my marriage? “

Well, I’m not a therapist or an anger specialist, but it doesn’t take a specialist to know that it is vital to control anger as soon as possible. And I know from watching my friends go through this that women’s anger can be a little more complicated than men’s anger. Because hormones are involved most of the time, especially after a recent pregnancy, which seems to be the case here. I am not a doctor so I am just speculating and I highly recommend that you see one. But it would make sense, especially considering the fact that he’s never had anger issues before.

My first stop would be to test my hormones and follow up with any suggestions my doctor might have. I would see a therapist who specializes in women’s issues. I don’t have to tell you how damaging this can be to your family. Because you already know. And the fact that you are self-aware about it is a good thing, because not everyone is. Many people are not only angry, they are also on the defensive, denying that anger exists and blaming everyone else.

That is not the case here. You are aware of what is happening and you are motivated to change it, which is already half the battle. Even if there are hormones involved that fix themselves, I suspect that you will still have to work to change your triggers and habits. Because if this has lasted a while, it has become a habit. Once something shoots at you, you turn to what has become your favorite method of handling it: your anger. To break this cycle, you must recognize the trigger and then employ a new, more positive approach to dealing with it. Do this enough times and the habit will be broken and replaced by the most appropriate one.

I don’t want to make this sound like it’s a case of “mind over matter” because I don’t think it’s as simple as that. I think it would be helpful to see a professional who can help you see exactly what is going on and offer you the most efficient way to handle it.

But noticing and being willing to change are good signs that you have the self-awareness and motivation to change. Your family will be much better, and I am sure you will feel much better too. Because you are probably suffering from accumulated guilt and shame in addition to anger, which simply fuels the entire negative cycle.

You may want to inform your husband about these discoveries because it can help him to be a little more patient. The next time this topic comes up, you can try something like: “You are absolutely right. This is not like me. That is not an excuse, but you know that this is not typical behavior for me. That is why I feel like I need to be evaluated and treated by someone. I want to stop this, but I suspect there are hormones involved due to my pregnancies and I am going to need help to fix it. However, I am committed to fixing it. And I ‘would like to ask you to help me by supporting me and drawing my attention when you see any anger arise. You know I’m very committed to being the best wife and mother I can be. And part of that means I need to address this right away. I hope you support me in this. “

It is my firm belief that he will probably support you. It only benefits him that you fix this and go back to being your old self. And even he admitted that this is not typical behavior for you. So it’s probably pretty clear that you’re not doing it on purpose.

You may also like...

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *