Questioning yourself to achieve successful habit changes

As a professional in the field of goal setting, I find it fascinating to witness some of the machinations that we will go through to achieve our goals.

There are countless apps designed to help you achieve your goals, ranging from diet and exercise, to being more organized, to simply improving your mood. For those less inclined to make changes through an app, I’ve heard of some who write in a journal, use to-do lists, or even pray and ponder their desired results. Of course, hiring a coach also helps. (Hint Hint …)

I am not judging any technique. If you are dedicated to your goals and willing to get the job done, however you choose, you will have more power, especially in this always stressful world we find ourselves in. That being said, if you personally felt stuck and would like to make some changes; Whether it’s related to health, financial, or emotional, this four-question process is ridiculously easy to use and surprisingly effective.

Question # 1: Suppose I was successful; How can I know?

It seems silly to start here, but the reality is that many times we do not meet our objectives because we have never clearly defined the result. We say “I want to feel better” or “I want to be fitter.” So those are noble intentions, they are not concrete enough to bring us to an end point. Sure, they can help us get started, but we often stop because we don’t know when we’ve arrived and the journey feels overwhelming and endless.

It is more effective to set a goal like “I will walk 30 minutes three times a week”; or “I’ll take time each day to write down five things I’m thankful for.”

Being able to identify a clear change in behavior is critical to achieving goals.

Question # 2: What has to happen for that goal to occur?

Obviously, if we were doing what we have to do, we would already be where we want to be. Since we are not “there” yet, something must adapt. To do this, we basically have four options: start a new behavior; stop an existing behavior; do more of an existing behavior; or make less of an existing behavior.

Therefore, the behavior changes could be “put a 30 minute activity appointment on my calendar on Monday, Wednesday and Friday”; or “set aside 10 minutes each morning to record those things that I am grateful for.”

The trick here is not to line up an entire series of changes, but rather to define a simple and effective adjustment that you can make to move forward.

Question # 3: Can I do that?

If you are not in full control of what the behavior change is, success is left to fate.

For example, yes, in question n. 2, said: “Find a partner to walk”; That leaves you stuck until you find someone who shares your goal. Even if you find a walking partner, what happens if you get sick or decide you don’t want to continue your joint regimen? You have returned to the starting point.

It does not mean that you cannot lead others on your journey, but the path must be structured to move forward regardless of whether someone else helps or hinders you.

By the way, if the answer to question n. 3 is not “Yes”, that means your goal in question no. 1 is wrong for you. Make it smaller or rework it.

Question # 4: Will I do that?

This requires brutal honesty with yourself. Sure, you can technically do that, but will you? Answers like “As soon as …” or “When the weather changes …” or “I’ll try …” are just more elegant ways of saying “No.” There is no judgment on “No”, but it highlights a truth; That truth is, “I’m not going to do it.”

Commit to doing it or go back to Question # 1 and start over.

Repeat these four questions until you get to the end. Most of the time, you will have to go through this process several times, each time narrowing down your goal, until everything fits. Once that happens, the final bonus question begins:

Special Bonus Question: By When?

You have outlined your goal, determined what you need to do, realized that it is in fact under your control, and you are committed to doing it. The next step is to set a deadline. By the way, “ASAP” is not a deadline as everything else will have higher priority.

Without deadlines, there is no urgency. Without urgency, there is practically no chance for it to move forward.