10 ways to ruin your relationship

Relationships can tolerate a reasonable amount of stress. No one is perfect nor should they be expected to be. However, there are ten specific behaviors that are very likely to ruin your relationship if you practice them. You could call them “deal breakers.”

Every person has within their psyche a mature, rational, and loving adult identity and a highly emotional, impulsive, needy, and greedy child self that does not understand the concepts of responsibility or consequences.

When your actions arise from the front of your psyche, your behavior in relationships will be appropriate, but if the childish self is in charge (due to unresolved emotional wounds, for example), it is much more likely that one or more of the The following relationship-ruining behaviors will emerge.

Egoism: the goal of a relationship is to share your life with your partner. This involves sharing your thoughts, feelings, time, and possessions with them as well. If you’re holding back, your partner won’t feel like you really care about them.

A relationship is a union of two equals. Considering your needs and feelings as more important than your partner’s will not endear you to her. Being selfish leads to alienation and disconnection, and breaks the intimacy in a relationship.

Contempt: The reason to be with someone is because you care about them. This means that you should also like them, respect them, enjoy their company, and be glad to meet them. Ideally, they should be best friends as well as lovers.

Contempt is the antithesis of what a relationship should be based on. When a partner experiences your contempt, he will feel hurt and angry. What they really want is for you to make them happy.

Shame and humiliation: People are very sensitive to shame. Being in a relationship is supposed to make someone feel good about themselves. You must increase your confidence and self-esteem. Being made to feel stupid or small is the opposite of what a relationship should do for a person. If you humiliate your partner in front of other people, consider it the kiss of death for the relationship.

Annoyances: People want to feel that their relationship is their refuge, their haven, their “safe space.” If you scold and harass your partner, you will feel attacked and insecure. In a good relationship, your partner will respect you and be open to listening to your valid needs and feelings. If they don’t respect you, no amount of scolding will change them.

To undermine or not to be supportive: Your partner needs to feel that they can depend on you. They need to trust that you will cheer them up when they need a lift and that you will be there for them when they are down. If you don’t support her, your partner will feel abandoned and unloved.

If you do or say things that make them doubt their abilities or their worth, they’ll realize that being in a relationship with you is worse than being alone.

Controller: One of the advantages of being an adult is that we become autonomous and self-regulated. Most adults enjoy and appreciate this and don’t want it to be taken away from them. If you try to control your partner, they could easily end up feeling you or even mad at you.

Comparing yourself to others: Your partner wants to believe that you are with them because you see them as a special person with wonderful and unique qualities. When you compare them unfavorably to other people, you make them feel unspecial and put them down. Why would you want to be with someone who makes you feel this way?

Never be satisfied with anything: One of the best things about a relationship is the feeling someone gets when they realize they can make you happy. It gives your partner great pleasure and a feeling of empowerment to know that something they have done has lifted your spirits or improved your quality of life.

If nothing is good enough for you and your partner feels like they can never make you happy, they will end up feeling helpless and hopeless around you. They will become demoralized in the relationship, which will ultimately lead to their demise.

Lack of Commitment or Cheating: One of the main reasons to be in a relationship is to feel loved and safe. If you refuse to commit, you will make your partner feel vulnerable and insecure about your true feelings. This will frustrate them and lead to conflict.

If you flirt too openly with other people or, worse yet, cheat, you will undermine any trust that has developed between you. Your partner may stay, but if they do, they will feel hurt and angry and will take it out on you, either directly or through passive-aggressive behavior.

Abuse (verbal or physical): Some people believe that being in a relationship gives them license to take out their hurt or angry feelings on their partner. This is completely wrong. Loving someone means that you should treat them with consideration and respect.

There is no place for any kind of abuse in a relationship. When a relationship involves abuse it is, by definition, a bad relationship. You have every right to occasionally get upset or upset with your partner, but it is never okay to behave abusively towards them.

Many women believe that yelling at their husband is not abuse in the way that a man hits a woman. You are wrong. Dating your partner for any reason is not acceptable in a relationship and will eventually kill the love that once was.

By taking responsibility for your behavior in your relationship and treating your partner with kindness and respect, you will maximize the chance of your success. If you instead allow the angry, selfish, or impulsive parts of your psyche to be in charge, you will very likely alienate your partner’s affection and permanently ruin your relationship.