Aid! I’m stranded in the Philippines

When I turned my cell phone back on after my dentist appointment, it rang immediately. It was my husband calling me to say that our home phone had been ringing off the hook for the past hour. A wave of anxiety rose up my neck. “What happen?” I asked.

“Have you checked your email lately?” she asked her.

I clicked on my mail and a long line of new messages appeared. They were all strikers from friends and had “Cheers!” in the subject line. The first sentence was always a version of “I got the following email from you. It looks like you’ve been hacked.” The rest of the email consisted of the following (reprinted in its exact form):

“I really hope you get this fast. I was unable to inform anyone about my trip to Davao, Philippines. I am in the Philippines to see my sick cousin who is suffering from kidney disease and must have a kidney transplant to save her life, the condition is critical.

Kidney transplant is very expensive here, so I want to move her back home to have the surgery done. I really need to take care of this now, but my credit card won’t work here. I traveled with little money due to the short time I had to prepare for this trip and I never expected things to be the way they are now. I need a loan of $2,950 from you and will repay it upon my return. I will really appreciate any amount you can contribute. If not, ask me again. I will advise you on how to transfer it.” Jean

My first reaction was relief because everyone in our family and many of our friends were not only doing well, but smart enough to know a hoax when they see one. My second reaction was how wonderfully fun email was. I would definitely give the hacker kudos for his creativity and cheekiness! But I think anyone who knows me also knows that I don’t have a cousin in the Philippines. And I would never capitalize the word “kidney” unless it was in a title or the first word of a sentence. (Okay, maybe they wouldn’t notice this) Add to this the fact that my husband is a doctor who would no doubt know about kidney disease and be in close contact, if not with me, on the trip.

So I was pretty sure that no one I knew would send money to the Philippines. Then I got an email from a friend from high school who moderates a “Classmates” blog for the men and women of my graduating class. I had heard from several people who were worried about me. I had not been in contact with them for many years, so they did not know anything about my current circumstances. And then I understood how this request for money could be effective.

Almost everyone who called and emailed suggested that I change all my passwords. So I got to work. First there was the Internet search engine; then my email and finally my blog. With the help of my husband I managed the first two but the blog threw me. Every time I tried to change it, I got the wrong message. Finally, I went through my handy notebook of important phone numbers and called the help desk. Two hours later, my assistant gave up and emailed me step-by-step instructions on how to change my password. I didn’t really blame him; he wasn’t the first help desk to give up on me. I then called my inside help desk: my husband. He was in the next room and couldn’t get away very well; after 54 years of marriage, he was stuck!

At one point, I knew more about computers than my husband. Our son had brought the first computer into our house when he turned 13 and it was loaded with gift money after his bar mitzvah. He wanted to spend it on a computer. We were stumped. Why would you want a computer? What possible use could they have?

He bought a Franklin, one of the few options at the time. It didn’t interest me much until I learned that you could not only type on the computer, but you could even make changes and corrections. I might throw away my box of bleach! I could forget about cutting and pasting. I started reading the instruction book and when he left for school, I sat down in front of the machine and started going over the word processing. Within a few days he was madly in love. It was the start of a beautiful relationship, with occasional outbursts and breakups when my computer suddenly shut down or he tried to show his superiority by losing my most recent job.

Then my husband retired and started consulting from home. Very quickly, he not only became proficient with the computer, but also tackled the inner workings of this mysterious machine. Much to his chagrin, he became my “Help Desk”. My pleas for help when my computer crashed used to be frantic (I tend to make a lot of noise when my computer is down) and probably too frequent. But he has never failed to handle my cries for help with patience and humor.

So he stepped in again and helped me change the passwords. Now I have so many completely unrelated passwords that my notebook with the list has become my most prized possession.

Yes, this hack is a nasty nuisance, but all the news isn’t bad. I’ve heard from many people I haven’t spoken to in months or even years. Once they were sure I wasn’t in the Philippines and didn’t need money, we had lovely conversations and caught up on how long we hadn’t been in contact. My three children called me to let me know and my son even offered me a kidney. I thanked him and told him to make sure and keep it on ice.

But I do worry a little about the hacker. Maybe he or his cousin really needs a kidney. Or maybe he got laid off and he needed quick money because his wife was pregnant and his kid was very sick. Most likely, he was just looking for a quick way to make money. But his assault on my computer proved three things:

1) I have very considerate friends.
2) I was in desperate need of new passwords and a better firewall! (Made!)
3) I’m still in love with computers and word processing (except ten minutes ago when my entire contact list disappeared)