Boundaries with Adult Children: Lessons from the Prodigal Son

Are you trying to discover your limits with your adult children? Then you will benefit from these lessons from the prodigal son. In Luke 15:11-32, a son asks for his inheritance early and then leaves his house to spend it foolishly. When he hits rock bottom and realizes that he needs to return home to survive, he returns to find his father running to meet him, and subsequently throws a party to celebrate his return. Instead of being treated like a servant, he was treated like a son.

When you have prodigal children who make dumb decisions, it’s hard to know how to deal with the many challenges you have. The story of the prodigal son gives us the following principles for setting boundaries with adult children:

1. The father is a good father. There is no indication that it is his fault that his son is in trouble.

2. The father may have empowered his son by giving him the money he paid for his wildlife; he may also have recognized that his child needed to learn about life the hard way and, as a result, he let his child go her own way to learn that lesson. In any case, the father did not offer his son more money to continue his wild life when he finally ran out of money.

3. The father allowed his son the dignity and right to make his own decisions and suffer the consequences.

4. God continued to work in the life of the prodigal son while he was away from his father’s influence.

5. The father was not happy with his son’s choices, but lived his life while his son was gone and continued to run the family business and live according to his convictions.

6. The father left the door open for his son’s return, showing that he still had hope. We know from God’s description of his unconditional agape love that love always waits and always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:7).

7. The father showed unconditional love for his son by welcoming him home and restoring his place in the home as a son, rather than a servant, which is an allegorical description of God’s unconditional love for us. However, we know that God’s love for us includes a tough love that allows consequences (Galatians 6:7-8) and holds us accountable (Romans 14:12). It is for this reason that the father and the prodigal son probably had a discussion in the days following the feast about the lessons the son had learned and the consequences that would follow, some of those consequences being that the son had already spent his inheritance. and the relationship with his brother was negatively affected.

As you wrestle with decisions about how to set boundaries with your adult child, consider what the story of the prodigal son teaches you about parenting.

1. Good parents can have prodigal children who make unwise decisions as adults.

2. Your limits should not allow your adult child to continue making unwise decisions.

3. You must allow your child to make his own decisions and suffer the consequences.

4. God is at work in your son or daughter’s life even when it doesn’t seem like it.

5. You need to live your life fully regardless of the problems with your child.

6. You can continue to hope for your child’s restoration and reconciliation.

7. You can have a relationship with your child that includes unconditional love and limits at the same time.