Breathalyzers – I don’t trust them!

Does anyone out there really want an oral robot to decide their fate? Certainly not. Also, breathalyzers are prone to various errors. For one thing, breathalyzers have a 30% reading error rate. Given this fact, it is neither unfair nor unreasonable to say that three out of ten people arrested for a DUI are not actually in the tank. Breathalyzers do not differentiate between ethyl alcohol and methyl alcohol found in common foods and beverages. Several other factors that I will illustrate throughout this article also contribute significantly to the test and could land you in jail if you are a speeding driver.

Do you like donuts? I know what I do. A fluffy glazed donut can instantly put a smile on my face. Guess what? Glazed donuts contain an ethyl alcohol level of 0.2% after cooking. This is the same type of alcohol that lights up the nose of that robot you get punched in the face during DUI tests. Assuming someone just finished a box of these delicious treats, there’s a good chance they’ll blow the breathalyzer when they try it. While it would be extremely easy to make a cops and donuts joke, I’d rather take the high road on this one. Shocking as it may be, this is just one of many foods and drinks that contain some form of ethyl and methyl alcohol.

If there’s one thing that complements donuts and coffee, it’s cigarettes. I smoke a lot, which means if I get a DUI test, I might be out of luck. Breathalyzer test for ethyl and methyl alcohols, but they also test the molecular structure of methyl. Acetaldehyde is a molecule found in the liver and pumped to the lungs. The amount of acetaldehyde found in a person’s lungs varies, but studies have shown that smokers have a higher accumulation of this molecule than non-smokers. Given how much I smoke, I’m sure my lungs are a common place for this agent. Did I mention that breathalyzers group acetaldehyde with methylated spirits?

Let’s review here. I love cakes and smoking. There are levels of ethyl and methyl alcohol found in common foods as well as the cigarettes I smoke on a daily basis. I didn’t even mention how temperature, humidity, or dirty conditions could contribute to a breathalyzer’s failure. The odds are good that if I were to take a breathalyzer test right now, I would fail. They can’t arrest me while I’m sitting on my couch, but that won’t help when I’m chain-smoking in traffic.