How does a husband feel after cheating on his wife? My opinion based on experience

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked some variation of this question. Wives want to know if their husbands feel any guilt or shame for cheating on them, or if he’s just sorry he got caught and now he has to deal with the consequences. They want to know if he hesitated when he decided to cheat or if he was so excited by the prospect of something exciting and forbidden that he never thought of his wife, at least until much later.

In short, wives wish they could be given a peek into their husband’s mind so they could understand his very questionable thought process when he chose to make this most painful and unfortunate mistake. And they want to know where your head and your commitment are now that the affair is over, and if they can believe that your heart and your commitment are still with them, so they don’t have to worry about reliving this at some point. in the future.

The truth is that a man’s thought process during an affair can be as different as the men themselves. However, with that being said, I hear from a lot of men who are trying to make it up to their wives. Sometimes they share their thought processes with me, and I have been through this myself. So, I’m looking at it from two different sides of the corner. Yes, there are likely to be men out there who feel little to no remorse. But these are not the men I hear about because they are generally not the men who are trying to get their marriages back. In the following article, I will share with you how men describe their feelings during and after an affair.

How men feel during an affair: Once again, these feelings vary depending on the man who experiences them. But, most of the men I hear from describe themselves as “not thinking” as the affair unfolded. Some of the phrases I hear to describe this are things like, “I really don’t know what I was thinking. I was living in slow motion and I didn’t really stop to think about what was going on. I just don’t want to go there in my own mind.” “.

Some men describe very strong feelings of guilt and shame during the affair. Sometimes I hear things like “I went home, closed the door and cried.” Or “My hands were shaking so badly on the wheel on the way home that I was afraid I was going to have an accident.” Or, “The guilt was killing me. I couldn’t even look my wife in the eyes of her. I always had the certainty that she knew something was up or that I was lying or that she had done something very wrong.”

And some men who feel these feelings will use them as a catalyst to end the relationship very abruptly. Usually these are the men who admit to cheating on their own and sincerely seek forgiveness with genuine apology and pain.

Sometimes you will find men who, although they feel guilty and ashamed, these feelings actually drive them to continue the relationship. They see the other person as a release or a pause in any negative feelings or doubts that were going on in their lives. So even though they know what they’re doing is terribly wrong, they may be telling themselves they’re going to break up “very soon” but are looking for the release that the relationship provides fleetingly (this escape usually doesn’t last long). )

From time to time, men will tell me that they actually thought they were getting a positive reward from the affair or that they had genuine feelings for the other woman. They will say they felt “fun” or “free” or “alive.” Usually these feelings are short-lived and the men later realize how silly and untrue this all was. Eventually, they realize that nothing apart from themselves and dealing with their own problems provides them with the escape or drive they’ve been seeking.

In short, a man’s feelings can be at risk when he cheats on his wife. But I do find that most men feel some pain, conflict, or guilt while doing it. Some are able to ignore these feelings or at least calm them down momentarily. And some cannot stand the feelings and will confess everything. Some will try to justify their actions in order to continue, but most know, at least deep down, that what they are doing is wrong.

How men feel after having an affair: Like I said, very rarely do I hear of those repeat cheaters who are blatant enough to justify their cheating or who don’t have any remorse. I almost always hear from men seeking advice on how to save their marriages after they’ve cheated on their wives. And without a doubt, these men are truly repentant. Yes, they are absolutely sorry that they got caught and that you know what they did and that you are deeply hurt. Many tell me that they would give absolutely anything to turn back the clock and get all of this back.

And many of them understand why you are angry. They know it would be hard for them if the tables were turned, but they don’t know how to sound sincere without sounding like they’re acting. I often hear phrases like “she doesn’t believe anything I say and I can’t blame her for that. But I’ll keep trying to make it up to her for the rest of my life. If she’ll just give me a chance, I’ll do everything in my power to make it up to her.” do this right.”

Of course, the great irony of all this is that many wives will turn it around and say “well, he didn’t love me that much when he was cheating on me, did he?” And they have all the reason. There isn’t much he can say in response to this. He will often try again with claims that he wasn’t thinking or that he was dealing with a personal crisis, but none of it really works.

I often tell couples that it’s the actions that matter, not the words. The marriage was damaged by the husband’s actions and now, if the marriage is to be repaired, it must be repaired by the husband’s actions. In time, he has to show his wife that he is repentant, rehabilitated, and worthy of her trust and company.