Single and lonely – how’s that going for you?

Would you agree that there are few lonelier places than being in a loveless relationship? Spending time with someone who is clearly bored, uninterested, perhaps even angry about your mother’s presence slowly destroys your confidence, self-esteem, and belief in yourself. You may even question your ability to maintain future relationships.

Then there are those who have had long and successful relationships that perhaps ended naturally due to health problems or unexpectedly out of the blue, leaving them lost, devastated and heartbroken. They are faced with doubts about how they will heal, recover, and start anew. Being single and alone never really presented itself as an option for them.

Some people are on a constant mission to find matches for their single friends, and they seem to feel like something is missing in their lives. They want everyone to settle comfortably into happy relationships so that they are not alone at social events or holidays. But are their own relationships that fantastic, or are they always compromising and rarely doing what they’d like to do?

Let’s look at being single and lonely and ask how you’re doing.

Being single and alone doesn’t automatically equate to being alone, but let’s still reflect on the dangers of being alone for long periods of time.

– Have past relationships left you feeling lonely and somehow lacking or unsure of what to say or do? Are you afraid that being alone means that ‘everyone’ will look at you negatively? If that’s the case, you may be apprehensive at the prospect of walking into a room alone, full of doubts, low on confidence, and constantly reinforcing a negative mindset.

– Perhaps you are becoming increasingly isolated, self-protective and defensive. Being vulnerable, exposing too much of yourself can seem counterintuitive. While the need to take care of ourselves is understandable, we must also appreciate that building relationships means being open and responsive to others. It is an important part of life and a valuable skill when we want to have some kind of successful and interactive relationship with others.

– Some newly single people prefer not to live alone at first. A shared house can be a good springboard, since it is a means to have a private space and know that there is some company nearby. It can be a less expensive option and not as binding as buying or renting, giving you some breathing space to consider what steps are best to take.

– Being alone can become a habit. How often do we hear someone say that they are too set in their ways to change or commit to a new relationship! But if they did meet someone and were really attracted to them, I doubt they would think twice about adapting their routine or habit patterns. They would be prepared to try something new, enjoy the excitement, and expect to be more flexible in their perspective.

– A comfort zone tends to get smaller the more time we spend in it. Over time, doing what we’ve always done becomes easier, while making changes or trying hard can become less and less appealing. Staying there for a long time can become boring and unsatisfying. But eventually, it becomes second nature to establish an ‘I’m too old to change’, ‘I’ve had my life’ mentality, even though a few adjustments and a little effort could reinvigorate the present and the future for you. .

– Do childcare responsibilities help you find a new partner? Taking the time to connect or go out and negotiate the dynamics of a new relationship may seem like an unnecessary hassle, but small steps can make all the difference in returning to a new social scene. Could you alternate childcare with another single parent? you have their kids for an afternoon, a night, or maybe the occasional sleepover and then they return the favor. Doing so could free you both up for a few hours and give you time to go shopping, have a leisurely lunch, or a night out.

– Booking a different hairstylist to style your hair can present a whole new look and revitalize your confidence levels. Making a few alterations to your wardrobe can give you a boost and inspire you to go out and make new friends. Even if you’re happy to be single, not looking for romance or a new partner, a few simple steps can add some zest to life so you feel even more positive about being single and alone.

– What to talk about can be a serious topic if we have been single and alone for a while. Casual chatting isn’t easy for everyone, especially if recent interactions have tended to be more formal, work-related, and purposeful. But we can make an effort to remedy it by staying up to date with local news, popular TV, interesting shows and events, making sure we are equipped to join conversations on topics of interest.

Being single and alone can be okay and certainly better than settling for the wrong or second-rate relationship. But also remember the importance of maintaining a balanced approach to life and making sure that your relationship choices are positive for you.