Smart Communication Tips for Relationship Success: Talk More “You” and Less “Me”!

Last spring I led a group of 39 seniors on a 7-day sightseeing tour of our nation’s capital, Washington DC “The District” as it is commonly known is a great place to visit, especially in the spring when cherry trees bloom. they are in full bloom.

Our 7 day trip was packed with many exciting activities including: a scenic lunch cruise on the Potomac River, a guided tour of the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, a walking tour of the US Naval Academy in Annapolis , an illuminated night tour of all of Washington’s monuments and memorials, a seafood dinner with crab cakes at a trendy Georgetown restaurant, and a tour of the Gettysburg battlefields, to name a few.

At the end of our seven days together, I handed out an evaluation form to all passengers where they had the opportunity to rate the various aspects of the tour. Some of those aspects included: airline service, quality of hotels, choice of restaurants, variety of attractions, and overall tour design, as well as the performances of the tour director and bus driver.

On this particular trip, I received 38 very good to excellent reports on my performance as tour director. Unfortunately, one dissatisfied tour customer wrote on his review form, “Steve Nakamoto likes to talk about himself too much. There were too many me and me whenever he talked to us.”

At first I was upset by this person’s evaluation and thought it was unfair to me considering all the things I do for the passengers on my tour. But this passenger did me a valuable service by reminding me of the delicate balance between sharing relevant personal experiences and not speaking in terms of the other person’s interests.

The truth about human nature is that people will respond favorably to the words “you”, “we” and “us”. On the other hand, many people will soon tire of a speaker who refers to himself as “I” and “me” too often.

In the future, I will remember to speak more in terms of the other person and keep my own personal references to a minimum. Also, I’ll apologize in advance for sounding like I’m talking too much about myself. And if I find myself telling a personal story, I’ll also mention that I’m only doing it for the benefit of the listener and not to draw unnecessary attention.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Learn to speak in terms of the other person instead of in terms of yourself. You can do this quickly and easily by using the words “you”, “we” and “we” in much greater abundance than the words “I” and “mine”. By doing so, you will avoid giving your listeners the negative impression that your communication is solely for their own entertainment.