Two words that will change your life – Taming perfectionism with art therapy

Perfectionism, as defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, is a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable. I see this with people of all ages, from the child who collapses because his art project doesn’t look right, to the teenager who has an eating disorder because he feels inadequate, to the mother who feels she has to keep up with everything at home or things will fall apart, for the professional who is driven to achieve success but never feels satisfied. I think the drive to be perfect is so ingrained in our culture from the media’s portrayal of perfect homes and bodies on TV and in magazines; to our homes, where parents struggle to work, pay bills, keep a tidy house, take their children to endless activities and appointments, monitor homework, and prepare last-minute baked goods for school fundraisers. .

What are the implications of living a perfectionist life and what can you do about it?

People who feel the need to be perfect judge their worth based on what they have accomplished. If they don’t meet your expectations in one aspect of a project, they may consider the entire project a failure. These individuals cultivate their self-esteem based on the results and compare themselves to these standards (self-imposed, but influenced by how others look, have, or achieved).

We are all guilty of this to some degree, however, when this is the only way we operate, it becomes a concern, because whatever you do will never be good enough. You may simply not try to do anything that would embarrass him or expose his inability.

As a parent, you have a tremendous influence on your child, and if you pursue perfectionism by trying to be, do, and have it all, your child will do the same. If you convey to your child that his self-esteem is tied to what he does or how he acts, you have modeled perfectionism. Instead of praising results, such as rewards for good grades, parents can emphasize the qualities the child exhibited in achieving her goals, such as persistence and dedication. Life is a learning process, and demanding or criticizing when things aren’t right (by your standards) diminishes learning opportunities. So instead of stepping in to solve a problem for your child or rescuing them from “doing it wrong,” give them a chance to try, offer support by asking what they need from you. Yes, this can lead to a bad grade, a messy room, or sibling conflict, but the rewards are much greater: developing problem-solving skills, learning natural consequences, and realizing that what you do is different from who you are.

As an adult, if you were raised with high expectations or with critical parents who didn’t teach you how to solve problems but instead told you what to do, you may be a perfectionist. Your need for order and control may prevent you from having meaningful vulnerable relationships due to your fears that your imperfections may be exposed. Many people who are perfectionists keep too busy to avoid some of the deep feelings they have. They may be afraid of being overwhelmed by emotions and choose to shut up or turn off their feelings. What you need to know is that your desire for psychological security prevents you from having wonderfully open relationships. It also keeps you feeling chronically bad, because you’re never good enough. Here’s the secret, it’s really about self-acceptance and self-love. When you are able to embrace all aspects of yourself, the things you consider to be good and bad, you open the door to living a fuller and happier life, not only for yourself, but also for those around you. So here are the two words that will change your life: good enough.

If you want to explore this further, get out some basic art supplies and a large sheet of paper. Make a line down the middle of the paper. On the left side, draw a picture or use collage images to create a picture of your critical self (whatever that looks like) and on the right side, make a picture of your accepting self. See what the image and process reveal. Practice saying “good enough” this week when you try too hard to do the right thing.