What stops you from doing what you want?

As I sat down to write this article, I found myself struggling. I was playing one of those monkey mind games that tend to leave me feeling overwhelmed, defeated, and tortured. I found that what I wanted, to write an article that supports you, the reader, in living a great life, was overtaken by the nonsense and excuses in my head. He made me ask the question, what is really stopping me from doing what I want? Let me explain.

Even though I’ve had 3-5 different topics in mind to write about for weeks, I sat down and instantly drew a blank. I thought of at least a dozen excuses as to why each topic wasn’t right: too esoteric, too many other experts writing about it, maybe no one cares, etc. Then I launched into something most people could relate to: procrastination and avoidance at all costs. I thought about how I wanted to do almost anything but write. Maybe even clean the cat box for fun. Finally, I started negotiating with my monkey mind trying to convince myself that maybe later would be a better time to write.

But, then it hits me! All this unproductive wrestling and merry-go-round thinking has nothing to do with writing. It’s simply the current iteration of a made-up story I tell myself when I’d rather sabotage my efforts and feel bad about myself than stand up, harness my confidence, and fully express myself in the world. After all, some days it feels safer to snuggle up, stay home, and have a little pity party for no particular reason.

While a few hours of procrastination can occasionally be cathartic, if you allow your made-up negative beliefs to run your days, you will definitely struggle to get what you really want and miss out on the things that matter most. for you.

From my own experience and that of working with my clients, I have found that there are 5 common reasons that prevent us from doing what we want:

Lack of energy

There is no such thing as time management. There are 24 hours in a day, regardless of who you are. There is only power management. That is, manage your personal energy (physical, mental and emotional) on a day-to-day and long-term basis. Nothing can be more devastating to your plans to do what matters most to you, be it creativity, spending time with loved ones, or just having fun, than a lack of energy. Have you ever had a long day at the office where you came home brain dead, dragged your body out the door, and just couldn’t deal with anything or anyone? If so, then you know what it’s like to put what matters to you on the back burner because you just can’t be present in the moment and act alive.

Fear of success/failure

The list of fears people have about doing what matters most to them could fill pages. Fear of success: what if I get what I want? So what? But, fear of failure, what if it doesn’t work? What am I going to make that mean to me? When you let this fearful, negative mental chatter exist in your head and start listening to it, it’s guaranteed to keep you paralyzed and out of action because it’s just too scary. The reality is that we will all succeed and fail along the way. We will inevitably experience both. So, drop the “What if?” game, and muster the courage to take action and walk alongside your fears.

Lack of trust

Regardless of how successful you’ve been in the past, a new endeavor or even setting boundaries for the things you care about can wreak havoc on your self-confidence. Confidence comes from within. It is not something you can buy, borrow or steal. It can only come with confidence and self-care. If you know that you can count on yourself no matter what, it is much easier to take risks and trust your self-confidence because your foundation (what you believe about yourself) is solid.

Fear of losing control

Control is an illusion. As a recovering control freak, you should know. We can’t control anything in life any more than we can wrap our hands and make a tight fist around Jell-O. In fact, losing control is almost always a precursor to creativity. A stand-up comedian has to be willing to relinquish control over whether a joke will make the audience laugh in order to have the confidence to take the stage. A musician must be willing to let go of his baby (a new song) to see if he will resonate with others. A writer must be willing to let the words flow regardless of whether anyone ever reads or is affected by her words.

Worried about what others will think

I once heard a quote from somewhere that what others think is none of my business. We tend to spend so much time worrying about what other people think of us that it would be surprising to realize how little other people really think of us. They are too busy thinking about themselves and their lives to care about us. Anything worth doing in this life, whether it’s building a new business or spending quality time with your loved ones, is sure to upset someone. Not everyone is going to like you, so you better get over it right now. I say this as someone who took a while to realize that little tidbit for herself. Don’t let what you perceive someone else may think of you or your efforts keep you from living your best life and fulfilling your dreams.

The power to have what you want is in your hands, what’s stopping you?

Copyright 2006, The Paula G Company
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