Who is in charge in your life?

Whatever we plan to do in life, we do it because we hope to get something in return. If I scold my daughter when she does something wrong, I do it because I hope it will change her behavior. When she let others tell me what to do, I accept it because I expect them to guide me better than I do. When I drink too much it’s because I want to forget or have fun. we all do it. We do things because we expect rewards: good or bad, pleasure or pain. We do things to get pleasure. We do things to avoid pain. We cause situations that will hopefully produce what we think we want or need. A baby cries when she asks for something. An adult insults, teases, or praises others because he or she also wants something.

Most of us are not aware that we do this when there is pain involved. We don’t realize that we are doing things to avoid further pain. Let me illustrate it. Some people put up with a job they hate or an abusive boss because the pain of being rejected elsewhere would be too great. Or because the pain of being unemployed would hurt too much. They would rather bear the pain of their unpleasant days than risk suffering even more.

In that sense, we are all in charge of our own lives and decisions. We all choose what we have.

When the choice is made consciously, we are in charge. When we are not aware that we are choosing, we become victims. We blame others. We think the world is doing that to us.

In the example I mentioned earlier, staying in that job out of fear without realizing that we are choosing to do so makes us a victim. We feel sorry for ourselves. We let others decide for us. And resent them for it. We feel powerless. But there is always a choice. Always. Even in the worst circumstances. Even in the most abusive. And every time we make the choice, we stop being a victim and take control of our lives.

Another example that I would like to give you has to do with me. Several years ago I had car accidents (yes, in the plural) that damaged my back a lot and kept me with acute, chronic pain in both legs and back for seven whole years, every day. I could barely walk and was told by my doctors that a wheelchair was inevitable. It could be argued that I was the victim because the accidents were not caused by me. I would say that my victimization began when I did not accept my situation and decided to suffer it.

But as soon as I thought about controlling my life even under those circumstances, I stopped being the victim. He couldn’t walk every day, true, but he could still do a lot of things. And I did it. I also found new doctors and gave up my old way of life.

Today I am still disabled and enjoy a magnificent and very fulfilling life. Yes, there are days when I am in physical pain and cannot walk or walk with a severe limp. But I’m alive and happy.

Some people say that I am resigned to my new lifestyle. I disagree. Resignation would be accepting my reality and nothing else. But I’m proactively improving it. That is the key, the difference. I choose to improve my life every day, enjoy every minute, even when I’m in pain. That is my choice. That is why I am not a victim but in control.

I refuse to be a victim of my circumstances again. I am not my circumstances. And circumstances can always be changed. I choose pleasure, not pain. Even if the bread looks familiar.

What do you choose?

Enjoy life… EVERYTHING,