Massage Therapy and Parasympathetic Stimulation: A Frank Discussion of “Involuntary Response”

I start this discussion by addressing the male guests first, as they seem to have, in my opinion, a more obvious reaction that fits the summary. To them I suggest pretending the spa/massage visit is like a first date that you don’t want to go through “awkwardly.” To prevent your gun from unloading, try to arrive with a mostly unloaded gun and a clean, open mind. Men already know that this is not a “guarantee”, but it helps prevent an unwanted situation. You can’t really relax with a “loaded gun”, can you? It doesn’t matter if you think your therapist is attractive or not, if you have a same-sex therapist and are completely straight or not, if you have the opposite scenario, or if there is any obvious indication of the therapist’s sexual orientation. The parasympathetic brain will respond as it does at that moment and through no fault of yours or your therapist.

The parasympathetic or involuntary response you have to your therapist’s touch can be frightening, exciting, embarrassing, or frightening depending on you, your therapist, your view and understanding of massage, its benefits, and the therapist’s intent, skills, and qualifications. If your therapist is a professional, he/she is well aware of this involuntary stimulation when being massaged. Most of us don’t “freak out” when our client gets hard, although that was not the intention of our massage technique. I often say (when asked, and yes, I’ve been asked countless times… LOL) that I hope it happens. Why? Well, we are living, sexual beings that respond to touch and external stimuli. You are being touched, hopefully lovingly, even if we are working on a knot, and even if sex is not on your mind or ours, which is hopefully the case in your legal and professional environment. An erection, in the “involuntary brain” is the same as digestion. You can’t control your stomach rumbling when you’re hungry or when your therapist works on some “trigger areas.” So, we’re going to hear “stomach rumbling” even if you’ve eaten and/or gone to the bathroom; and equally, you will feel stimulated, possibly leading to an erection, sometimes even if “the gun was/is empty”. So DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT. DON’T LOVE YOURSELF. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO HIDE (which you cannot do unless you are on your stomach or have taken precautions when turned (supinated) to position this muscle where your therapist is least likely to see it), AND MOST OF ALL, PLEASE DON’T REACH IT DO NOT ASK US TO REACH YOU.

At least in my practice, it’s not that kind of place; and, in fact, that is illegal in many ways! Don’t draw our attention to it, whether you’re being “funny” or not. I note here too, that there may be a need to grab the therapist. You might have to pretend she’s that stripper from the club dancing on your lap, but you can’t touch her, or you get kicked out and still have to pay! Wow, what an analogy! (Laughter) Yes, please resist this urge, unless her therapist is her mistress, etc., outside of the facility. Sometimes, even if that’s the case, hold on and don’t compromise the business of the establishment and change the flow of energy in your massage session. Will someone know! In this case, please “be selfish” and feel grateful that things inside you are still working as they should and mentally thank the therapist for reminding you. The work has been great and honorable in “unblocking” that channel for the flow of blood.

What is my wish for my distinguished client at my table? Do you have any options if something happens in the session that upsets you? What else can you do to improve your relationship with your therapist and the facility where you receive service?

My instruction at the beginning of each session is that: “If at any time you feel anything uncomfortable, let me know.” This could be any “uncomfortable” feeling. Maybe I should stop moving my hands like that or go work somewhere else for a while and then come back if I feel like my “mission in that area was not accomplished or delayed.” Please talk! I don’t know what you feel when I do what I do. I only know that my hands transmit love, my intuition told me that there was a need in that area and my energy went there in response to yours, to provide you with therapy. Sometimes your body asks for more pressure when you can’t handle it. Sometimes you have “emotional breaks” that make my hands work fast or slow or go straight to that place that has been bugging you. This is “energy movement”, which I tend to be very connected to and which is not always understood. This type of “intuition” cannot be taught. You and I don’t always know why I went straight to that place, but it brings relief from what you’ve been begging for all week and that’s all that really matters. PLEASE KNOW THAT IF YOU WERE EXCITED BY MY TREATMENT, THAT THIS WAS NOT MY INTENTION AND HONESTLY, I WOULD BE MORTIFIED IF I KNEW YOU TOOK IT THAT WAY.

Sometimes clients don’t want to go back to that therapist, although apart from the “embarrassment of arousal”, everything was great and they felt relief from the massage. Perhaps the massage triggered feelings that were strong and overwhelming for you… Sometimes also for the therapist, who must maintain professionalism and deal with this “self-care” later. If you understand parasympathetic stimulation in massage, you will understand the difference between when you are touched for sexual pleasure and when you are not. If when you groan involuntarily, your therapist responded and started training you to give more, then it’s time to stop the session. The lines crossed in a different direction, as her therapist did not need to respond during the session and feed that channel.

I have massaged people who transferred so much “energy” during the session, that at the end, I wanted to cry (from sadness, joy or for no known reason), I was confused, light and loving like a child, light and empty. (as if sucked into an energy vampire), angry without knowing why, motherly, divine or “queen”, sometimes extremely shy (my natural nature, you wouldn’t believe if you knew me) like a little girl with her eyes fixed on her shoes as we part. All this happens, although I am very much in tune with my own body and its needs during the session and I have breathed openly, thus allowing the “exit of all energies” to the universe. Some things will still get stuck in “the conduit”, just as some of my energy will get stuck in you too. When you leave your sessions, do you feel a healthy, peaceful, loving, grateful connection with your therapist, for the work, how you feel and how your therapist handled you with respect? If it was almost like a spiritual dance, then you are connected to the true self of that person, even with universal nuances. In the same way, one or two clients may have come in with a headache or a cold and at the end of my day, it manifests itself in me. It is my responsibility to take care of myself at the end of each day and while I am away from work so that I am fresh, grounded and stronger for the next day of massages and attending to client needs.

Some clients prefer to have a female therapist, and similarly, some male therapists prefer female therapists. This is a personal decision. Personally, I am very reluctant to accept massage from male therapists, based on my own experiences with some. However, in any scenario, parasympathetic stimulation should occur unless you’re dead. I know, and as long as I’m not expected to “perform” at any point before or after the massage session, I’m okay with being aroused…as long as it’s involuntary and not the therapist’s intention. If you don’t know the difference and something feels weird, ask your therapist why she touched it there and listen for a therapeutic response. Don’t assume anything. Sometimes we know that what we are doing feels good. We like to have our feet or backs rubbed like that. We also know the anatomy and what channels are being stimulated and what happens therapeutically with the body when we touch that point. So we can take a little while, sometimes not long enough for some, sometimes too long. However, we go (well, at least I do) from my intuition and focus on what “your energy” (your body) says it needs, and not with intentional sexual stimulation in mind.

Maybe you are not sexually stimulated! Maybe you are suffering! TALK LOUD! Sometimes I can tell that the pressure is too much because the client is holding their breath or the body “squirms” or something else. It is again the scenario where the muscle asks for more and you, the person, cannot handle it. I’ll ask, “how’s the pressure here?”; are you okay with this pressure etc and 8 out of 10 times the client says “yes” everything is fine I know from what I feel that you are “saving face” but I also know that maybe you can handle a little more to achieve what I’m trying to achieve, which is relief and enough blood flow to that area for you to feel the relief later. Knots are sometimes tricky. I am a very strong woman and I work very hard for you, but I don’t want to hurt you. Pain doesn’t equal relaxation for most, in which case you should have gone to that other place with the whips, the chains, and the broken cane.

If I turned you on as a result of my techniques, please talk to me, especially if you feel something was inappropriate. Sometimes, based on our history, we tend to respond to things differently. I don’t know, you’re a rape survivor. I don’t know if you have sexual abuse issues. I don’t know if you equate being touched with a sexual performance requirement. I only know what you have told me and that you have hired me to relieve stress, treat an injury, bring you relaxation and rejuvenation, and help you become a healthier you. I know my job and I work hard to do this for you and with you. Perhaps my massages, for you, should be adapted in another way. Don’t write me off, jump to conclusions (male or female) and stop coming because what you’re thinking might not be true. Please know that your stated purpose for entering the service is at the forefront of my mind and thoughts and application of therapy in every instance. Going home with a little “love” feeling is natural as my work to stimulate movement within your tissues and channels takes effect. I have a clean mind and body and have no sexual thoughts while working with you. It is strictly professional. It made me think again of the “stripper on the pole” analogy.

Honor me (and your other caregivers) with your payment for services, your tips, referrals and your returns. These are the highest accolades for me, my craft, and chosen career, and I feel privileged and grateful to be the one to trust you for your universal rejuvenation. I’m a bit like “mama’s love” for a “child”… nothing more. Trust that and enjoy your parasympathetic brain.

Clients honor both their own bodies and the therapists who care for them, when they work as a professional team with the same goal in mind. Why did you come to the service today? Never forget your purpose. If you do, you will hardly know whether or not the therapist is meeting this demand. That something else is just a distraction from the intent. Now, I target male clients first, as in my experience, they seem to be the most challenging. However, female clients are not exempt, as some will need to receive the same “warnings” given to men. We live in an age where massage therapists and clients can easily and freely cross the line and it’s getting harder and harder for real therapists to distinguish themselves. Ditto for the customer who receives unprofessional service when he expected something else and/or vice versa. For good reason, we are now required to register with the JD and the FBI and our license is only for specific therapeutic services, nothing more. Let us keep your massage session dignified and honorable for both parties. There will be several other posts dealing with this topic, so stay tuned for more of my therapeutic rationale!