Men and their money: the rule of the three dates

Most of what I know about money, I learned from men. I learned how they count it, how they spend it and what they spend it on. They use the money to keep score, define their self-esteem, and acquire women. I found out about the three date rule after a couple of dates with a man who was a businessman out of town.

I was surprised to learn of the three date rule. I had married young and had not learned from this particular dating etiquette. When I was young I considered myself quite informed, having read Cosmopolitan magazine as a teenager and therefore considered myself a contemporary woman. It seems I was wrong, at least according to some men.

I found out about my ignorance after dating this out-of-town businessman for a couple of months. About a week after our third date, she called me at home one night with a definite purpose in mind. After the usual introductory remarks, he blatantly told me that if I didn’t “turn off”, he would stop pulling me out. He told me that he had already spent too much money on me and that he was not going to spend another hundred until we had sex.

This particular late-night phone conversation occurred after he had told me that he was married, but would be divorced.

Then, on our second date, he had confessed that he also had a mistress at his home in Pennsylvania. He was in conflict over which woman to have sex with when he returned for the holidays. It seems like it was causing her additional worry because she was moving from Pennsylvania to Denver and therefore wanted to have sex with me before she came home to finalize her divorce and break up with her lover. He explained that he couldn’t make any more decisions about his life until he found out if he liked having sex with me. This seemed to be the deciding factor. He also asked questions about my sexual preferences in an attempt to determine if we were sexually compatible and therefore worth more of his time or money.

As a recently divorced woman, who had recently entered the dating scene, I was beginning to get a little more practice in conflict negotiations and decided to let him speak before answering his questions. When he finally finished telling me how things were going to be before spending more money on me, I almost laughed. I almost laughed, but held my tongue until it was my turn to speak.

After he finished explaining his main complaint, I asked him how much money he had spent on me and what exactly he expected in return. I informed him that we had not negotiated the price before he accepted an invitation to dinner and therefore it would have been wiser to clarify his assumptions before randomly making invitations to strange women. I then recited how many times we had gone to dinner, how much the total bill was, and to be specific, how much of the bill was actually spent on my food and not just his drinks. After mentally counting the costs, excluding taxes and tips, I calculated that he had spent approximately $ 60 on me over the course of two months and three dinners. Remember, of course, that he always chose the restaurant and each of these three times, we went to the same steakhouse. I may have even forgotten to include fuel costs since I drove from Colorado Springs to Denver to meet him closer to his corporate condo. I also asked what the current rate is for an exclusive prostitute because by my estimates any upper class prostitute would at least get dinner and cash.

The mention of cash must have caught his attention because he realized that he had insulted me and started to apologize. It was too late. Therefore, to resolve her confusion, I suggested that she return home, have sex with her wife, have sex with her lover, and perhaps then feel compensated for the money that had been spent on me. Also, I added, the wife has a house and three kids, the owner gets a free car and some cheap jewelry and all I got was a free steak and lousy conversation. Also, I advised you to get your sex where you spend your money. I think that’s when I hung up the phone.

The rule of the three dates is not mandatory.