Sexual styles inside and outside the bedroom

Knowing your unique needs and the needs of your sexual partner can be very enlightening. See if you can find a little or a lot of yourself in each of these characters, and I’m sure you’ll recognize an ex or current partner in one or many of these characters. It is not about accusations and excuses, but about the realities necessary to understand the developing self and current struggles. The important thing in looking at these sexual styles is not to try to figure out what sexual type you or someone is, but to use this knowledge to improve your sexual relations. Pay attention to how your own sexual style and behavior makes your partner feel about themselves and the relationship because your sexual style may be hurting your relationships.

1. The sex trafficking cop

Outside the bedroom: The Sex Traffic Cop is what we would call a typical control freak. They often feel that they were put on this earth to “put others in their place” and feel compelled to tell others what is “right” and what is “wrong.” They tend to think that their views, families, relationships, or careers are what everyone should emulate, and they don’t hesitate to flaunt them in public for everyone to copy. They tend to be critical and demanding, always giving orders and making up rules. They can be very demanding, impatient and critical; constantly giving advice, correcting or “raising” others.

Inside the room: When you have sex with a sex traffic cop, you will get a lot of prompts and instructions on what he likes and doesn’t like. They will tell you how you should feel and respond, and they can show you how they want you to do things for them and ask you to do exactly what they do. You make a “wrong” move and he/she just stops and refuses to continue. The worst part is that there are so many instructions that you never seem to remember what they like or don’t like. You feel pressured, controlled and inadequate every time.

2. The sexual beast

Outside the bedroom: The Sexual Beast often talks loud and dirty. They are the kind of people who are all over the place and are disappointed that others really like them or don’t care if they like them or not. They have a strong need to dominate others and to be in charge of things. They can appear very controlled, but they are cynical and temperamental, easily erupting into anger when their authority or intelligence is challenged. They can be very vindictive and manipulative. They are not necessarily angry with the opposite sex, it is just that they confuse aggression and chaos with passion and spontaneity.

Inside the bedroom: When you have sex with a Sexual Beast, you are not sure if you are being loved or devoured. Their panting, grabbing, slapping, scratching, biting, shoving, pulling, and bestial noises or “dirty talk” reduce the sexual act to its most basic crude level. You stay scared, distrustful, dissatisfied and angry, but you don’t know why.

3. The sexual martyr

Outside the bedroom: The Sexual Martyr lives with a victim mentality. They are always telling “poor me” stories, blaming others for everything that has happened to them. They do not believe they are worthy of love or value and find it difficult to express their needs or ask for what they want. They have never had fulfilling experiences and feel used and taken advantage of all the time.

Inside the bedroom: When you have sex with a Sexual Martyr you feel that “something” is not right but no matter how much you ask, they will never tell you. The only way they try to let you know what’s going on is when you’re trying to get intimate, their first reaction is to pull away a bit or just freeze. You start to feel resentful that you can’t read her mind, and you feel guilty that you can’t understand what’s really going on.

4. The sexual procrastinator

Outside the bedroom: The sexual procrastinator avoids doing the things they need to do or deal with and hates being told what to do. They ask for advice, they make goals and promises but they never get to fulfill them. They tend to be very rational and reasonable and take themselves seriously. They can be very talkative, impressionable, sensitive, and warm, but they feel uncomfortable getting close to other people and often avoid these situations.

Inside the bedroom: If you ever have sex with a sexual procrastinator, consider yourself one of the most patient people in the world because by the time you actually have sex with this character, you’ll have heard all sorts of logical explanations like how the mood, timing and the place are not correct. But even during sex, they will find little trouble to interrupt you or force you to stop. You are left feeling controlled, neglected, hopeless, and angry.

5. The sexual glutton

Outside the bedroom: The Sexual Glutton is a pro at having fun. Sexual gluttons have a low tolerance for pain or suffering and are often prone to addictive behaviors. They usually look for adult toys to play with and when they find something that gives them pleasure; food, alcohol, drugs, etc. they are completely lost in the feeling of forgetfulness of the people and everything that surrounds them.

Inside the bedroom: When you have sex with a Sexual Glutton you have the feeling that you are just a toy for his pleasure. If you try to change what you are doing to give them pleasure, they will tell you to continue, paying no attention to their feelings. While you’re feeling “high and dry” he/she is in her world of pleasure. You are left feeling left out, unimportant, unloved, and angry at being used.

6. The sexual interpreter

Outside the bedroom: The Sexual Enforcer is wildly excited about everything. Everything and everyone is always fantastic, wonderful, surprising, fabulous, great, brilliant, etc. When you meet this character, you’re almost sure that he’s the most passionate person you’ve ever met, but you get the feeling that there’s something not quite right about his passion; you are probably right. Sexual performers are people who want to get closer to others, but tend to be so eager for intimacy that they often scare others away.

Inside the bedroom: When you have sex with a Sexual Enforcer, you get the feeling that they are putting on a show; they make a lot of noise and will do this and that, changing positions frequently and telling you over and over again how fabulous it is. They even insist that sex is better in front of a mirror because they want to see themselves act. Their “pleasure” seems so exaggerated that you don’t know if it’s the sex or their performance that they like so much. You are left feeling used, distrustful and even resentful.

7. The sexual idealist

Outside the bedroom: The Sexual Idealist is sensitive, powerful, and highly intelligent. They tend to be spiritual and philosophical, and are passionate about protecting the environment, cruelty to animals, and global poverty. They desperately want justice and goodness for everyone and everything because their past experiences have been anything but. They may be children of divorced or emotionally isolated and dissociated parents, were adopted, or lived with parents who kept busy working. Because they have been abandoned time and time again, they may delude themselves that their work, relationships, and life are perfect and are afraid to take an honest look at life because they are afraid that their positive outlook will collapse.

Inside the bedroom: When you have sex with a Sexual Idealist be prepared to enjoy it not once but twice: first when you hear about the great and wonderful benefits of sex and then when you hear about the magical experience just concluded. He/she will tell you how the sex with you is so much better than any he/she has had her whole life and how wonderful you are as a lover. You find yourself under pressure to perform to similar or higher standards, just to keep up. But her “ideal” world leaves you feeling inadequate, unloved for yourself, and mistrustful of her claims.

8. The sexual pleaser

Outside the bedroom: The Sexual Pleaser is usually sweet, cheerful, enthusiastic, and nice to everyone. They have a tendency to confuse love with pity, and a tendency to “love” people whom they can pity and rescue. They are excessively dependent on the approval of their family members, spouse, friends, colleagues, and even strangers. They’ll go out of their way to please and when they do, they’ll just stand there quietly with a “so?” look on his face. They can be easily manipulated because Sexual Pleasers have a hard time saying “no” to requests in and out of the bedroom.

Inside the bedroom: When you have sex with a Sexual Pleaser, you will feel wonderful, at first, because he comes across as the super lover. They ask “Do you like this or am I pandering to you?” They even go so far as to apologize if you say you didn’t like it. After a while you start to feel selfish and guilty. You feel her desperation and her need to please and you feel obligated to him/her, but at the same time you feel controlled by her need.

9. The sexual corpse

Outside the bedroom: The Sexual Corpse is an expert at repressing his feelings. They appear cool, calm, and collected on the outside, but deep down they are anxious, worried, and fearful. Many have suffered a lot of hurt, pain, frustration, and have been abused as children or by their sexual partners. They often find it difficult to trust others and reveal themselves. They do not forgive easily and never forget. Even if they don’t say it openly, talking to them gives you the feeling that they are very angry with the opposite sex.

Inside the bedroom: When you have sex with a Sex Corpse, their idea of ​​sex is that you play “psychic sex”. They never show emotion or say a word before, during or after sex. It’s up to you to guess how they feel or if they like sex with you. It’s up to you to find out what they want, or even if they like you. If you ask them if they like something, the best they can say is “okay”. You are left inadequate, frustrated and even angry at them.

10. Sexual provocation

Outside the Bedroom: The Sexual Tease is the type of man or woman who looks at their partner and makes them wish they were single. They love to announce how “super hot” they are: they dress and walk accordingly. Their whole idea of ​​life is superficiality: clothing, status, etc., and they are in the habit of naming or mentioning their connections with famous, rich and powerful people. They are very competitive with members of the same sex and tend to be very jealous and possessive people. The Sexual Tease also has trouble opening up and making commitments to another person.

Inside the bedroom: Forget the bedroom: a sexual tease comes on very strong and aggressive, turning you on and driving you crazy with her act. But as soon as there is a chance that sex could take place, the sexy, hot and wild image disappears. They start making excuses or find something else to do, so they can annoy you some more. And if you actually manage to have sex with this character, you will be very disappointed. A sexual tease is turned on by the idea of ​​being wild and sexy, but not by the sexual act itself. You find yourself feeling humiliated, used, manipulated, and angry.

Conclusion: I believe that there is no “right” or “wrong” way to make love. Sex is “good” when it makes you both feel good about yourself and the relationship, and it’s “bad” when it makes you unhappy and increases your negative feelings about yourself, your partner, or your relationship. always do to become the lover you are capable of being (some of the things you can do right away are listed on my website). and ultimately you are a mysterious being. Second, you need an intuitive understanding of the intricate dynamics of male and female energies. Learning specific techniques is NOT enough, you need to know the interaction between the sexes which is enough to evoke a deep connection and fiery passion. .