The other woman revealed the matter to everyone in public: I am so embarrassed

Sometimes I hear from wives who actually know the “other woman” or have to interact with her. This is a very difficult situation. But it’s even worse when the other woman “reveals” her affair to a circle of other people to add to your pain. As a result, she’s not only dealing with the affair, her husband, and her, but she also has to deal with strangers who really have nothing to do with the affair. This shouldn’t be anyone else’s business. And yet, the other woman has done it to let strangers know.

A wife might say, “My husband told me about the affair before the other woman told everyone. So I can’t say it took me completely by surprise. But no one else knew until she made her big announcement. And I wouldn’t have told anyone. The other woman is on the same board I’m on at my son’s school. We were in a meeting and she made a ridiculous suggestion, which I rejected. She was only talking about things related to the meeting, but blurted out, ‘oh, she’s just mad that I’ve been sleeping with her husband for two months.’ No one said anything. The room was completely silent. I was so mortified that I left. And I haven’t been able to show my face since then. I left my son and I don’t go to school anymore. I’m so ashamed. I can’t stand the idea that everyone knows and is talking about me, my marriage and my family. I told my husband, but as already broke up, he says there’s not much he can do because he doesn’t want to talk ar with the other woman anyway. I have no idea what I want to do with my marriage. My husband has offered to move me if I find living here too difficult. But I can’t do anything until the school year is over. finished. I don’t want to interrupt my son. That means I’m stuck with everyone I know knowing what happened. I’m resigning from the committee the other woman is on. But I’ll still have to see it. her at school sometimes, as well as the other moms. I don’t know how I’m going to show my face.”

I completely understand why you are so upset. And I find the behavior of the other woman absolutely attractive. But I think it’s SHE who should be mortified, not you. I understand why you feel embarrassed. Many of us feel ashamed, even though we are innocent. You are not the one who did something bad. Understandably, you didn’t stick around to see how the other women at the meeting reacted, but if I had been in that room, it’s the other woman I would have judged harshly, not you. She’s the one who needed attention so badly that she had to bring up something that she had nothing to do with the meeting and she just meant to hurt someone else. I know it’s very easy to assume the worst and fear that the women in the meeting are gossiping about you. But I suspect that maybe they are gossiping about HER. You shouldn’t be the one who can’t go out in public. You should have every right to feel comfortable at your child’s school.

If it were me, I’d contact the chairperson of the meeting or one of the women closest to you. She would tell you that she is considering how best to run the committee, since obviously both you and the other woman will be on it together and it will cause discomfort and tension for everyone involved. I honestly think there’s a chance they’ll ask the other woman to leave, as her comments were completely inappropriate. If you enjoy the committee, why do you have to leave when you did nothing wrong?

I very much understand the tendency to want to hide right now. I also had this inclination. But when you do that, you only make it harder to put two feet in front of the other, keep your head up, and continue living your life. You are not the culprit here. You should be able to live your normal life if you want. Of course, some families feel more comfortable moving out and starting over after an adventure. But if you don’t want to move, you shouldn’t have to. And if you want to stay on the committee, you should be able to. You are not the one who made the comment. You are not the one who cheated on your spouse and announced it in public. So there’s no reason for you to act like the guilty party. I know it’s hard, but I suggest you keep your head up and continue with activities that return you to your comfortable routine. The other woman has disturbed your life enough. There’s no reason to give her the power to make him uncomfortable at her son’s school.