The scariest franchises in sports

Happy Halloween! If your franchise is on this list, then you know all about rampant, mutant fear. You’ve seen the scariest franchises in professional soccer, baseball, or basketball. Long seasons watching horrible performances from players so bad it gives you goosebumps. The front desk decisions are so creepy that Hollywood is scared to make a movie about it.

Our survey is based on a formula of “what have you done for us lately”. The Super Bowls or the great players of a team from 40 years ago do not carry much weight. We prefer things like recent success. Infamous players and owners. Fan bracket. And the city where the team is located. There may be other creepy things that we make up as we go along.

Introducing, in all their brutality, the scariest franchises in sport.

8) The Pittsburgh Pirates

Why are they so terrifying? Since losing a heartthrob to the Braves in the bottom of the ninth in Game 7 of the 1992 National Football League, the Pirates have yet to even have a winning season. They had a diabolical plan this season that made it look like they were going to have a race. 500, but apparently the whole thing was designed to further torture the fanbase. The team’s owners have turned the losses into a profitable venture, earning nearly $ 30 million a year as they ditch the All-Stars in an effort not to pay them. How chilling.

7) Detroit Lions

The mere fact that they play in Detroit is creepy enough, isn’t it? I’ve never been there, but I’ve talked to a few people who did (the ones who made it out alive) and they weren’t too kind to Motor City. This franchise was so bad that it scared off the greatest running back of all time, Barry Sanders, and he retired early. They also have the current baddest player in the NFL, Ndamukong Suh, who has been fined for illegal hitting on several occasions and for the most part has refused to apologize, rather than receiving fines from the National Football League.
Finally, the Lions are scary because they have only won one playoff game since 1957.

6) The Oakland Raiders

Even the pirate in the helmet is scary in very few these days. This once proud franchise was mismanaged by the same man who made them great, the late Al Davis. Going into this season, the Raiders were on a 37-91 streak and have been known for disastrous draft failures (JaMarcus Russell). Raider Nation, those guys who dress up like it’s Halloween every day, has given up on this franchise. The Raiders finished last in attendance for the NFL in 2010. The Raiders also score poorly for the city of Oakland. It’s not a good sign when the fan base is more ghoulish than the team.

5) Los Angeles Clippers

It’s nerve-wracking when the other team from your hometown, who plays the same sport, is so much better than you. The Lakers outperform the Clippers in almost every facet. You don’t have to look far to see why the Clippers are so terrible. Look at the draft. They used a No. 1 overall pick on Michael Olowakandi, a No. 2 pick on Danny Ferry, a No. 3 pick on Darius Miles and a No. 4 pick on Shaun Livingston. You can’t miss so many # 1 overall picks! He has been missing the playoffs at 13 of 35 years.

4) The St. Louis Rams

There are weeks when I just forget they’re still in the NFL. The Rams have slowly degraded from those “Big Show on the Lawn” glory days to the point where they no longer have anything to hang their hat on. They are boring to watch and what makes it worse is that they have one of the most horrible stadiums in the NFL. Fans look asleep most of the time because the Rams only have one player with star power and that’s Sam Bradford, and he still has a lot to prove.

3) The Kansas City Royals

They have a very nice stadium, but it only masks the underlying horror. The Royals have been flying under the radar as the epitome of the market’s small team. Why else have they been able to get away with not making the playoffs since 1985 !! It’s because nobody cares. But it gets weirder for this franchise. Kansas City has finished second in the division standings only twice since 1985. Despite having a number of perennial All-Stars starting their careers at Kansas City – David Cone, Kevin Appier, Johnny Damon, Carlos Beltran and Jermaine Dye to name a few: The Royals were constantly trading their best players to avoid paying them during their best years.

2) The Toronto Raptors

The team’s nickname is one of the coolest and scariest in all of sports. That’s where this franchise ends. Almost every good player they’ve ever had wants to get out (Vince Carter, Chris Bosh). How about some Raptor jokes?

Q: What do the Toronto Raptors and possums have in common? A: They both play dead at home and die on the road!

Q: What do you call 12 millionaires on a television watching the NBA Finals? A: The Toronto Raptors.

1) The Charlotte Bobcats

The Bobcats have been bad every year of their short but ugly existence, but they outdid themselves in 2011-12. The Bobcats weren’t just bad, they were historically horrible. With 23 consecutive losses to end the lockout-shortened season, the Bobcats finished with a 7-59 record, the worst winning percentage (.106) ever achieved by an NBA team. It’s hard to believe that Michael Jordan, the owner of the team, is in any way associated with this nonsense. Last year’s Bobcats were everything Jordan wasn’t as a player: unproductive, uncompetitive, and unseen.

Give honorable mentions. The Milwaukee Bucks. Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Houston Astros, Buffalo Bills, Sacramento Kings, Cleveland Browns and New York Mets.