Transformational Leadership: Parents, you cannot take your children where you have not gone yourself

Have you ever needed to get to a certain place, like a store, restaurant, or doctor’s office, but you’re not 100 percent sure where you were? You can even get a general idea of ​​where you are. But can’t you remember the exact directions on how to get there? You can even be sure you could get there if you had to, but it can take a while to get your bearings. I mean you can ask for directions or even research the route using various GPS or map apps, but where’s the sense of adventure in that?

Parents, when it comes to leadership, it’s hard to find your way unless you’re given instructions. And if you’re going to guide your children in leadership and direct them toward positive growth, you need to go there first. John C. Maxwell says, “We cannot lead the father of what we have gone ourselves.” Therefore, if his leadership has not grown, it is difficult for him to take his son where he has not ventured.

So what steps should you take to enhance your personal development as a leader, so that you can guide your child on his leadership journey? The steps are not always easy, but all four steps require consistency on the part of the parent or guardian. They are: Expand, Explain, Experiment and Promote.

Expand – Expand calls to expand your own personal development. Parents lead by example. Once again, you will have great difficulty taking your children where you have not gone yourself. And to expand, you must be aware of where you are in your growth and development, before you can chart where you want to go. Robert Greenlieaf (Founder of the modern servant leadership movement) pointed to another special aspect of consciousness. Greenleaf says, “Awareness also helps to understand issues around ethics and values. It lends itself to being able to view most situations from an integrated and holistic position.” As you expand your personal growth and development, as a leader, you can begin to pour that knowledge onto your children, as you explain leadership concepts to your children. This is a key element in the way parents influence the child’s behavior.

Explain: If your child is going to learn how to take control of their lives as a leader and add value to others, you will need to explain what a leader is, along with the values ​​that are important to being a good leader AND it must be in such a way that they can imagine themselves as leaders. And it wouldn’t hurt if you added to their imagination by helping them dream about what kind of servant leader they can now be as children, teens, and adults. Robert Greenleaf tells us, “For anything to happen, there must first be a dream, an imaginative vision of what could be. For something great to happen, there must be a great dream.”

Experience: Your child needs to experience your leadership. They need to see you model it. They need to see you put it into action on a regular basis. I once heard John Maxwell say, “You must keep the bar high for excellence. Never lower the bar on yourself and always raise the bar on others.” I remember when my children were little. I took them shopping with me. We had fun. When I got home, I found that the cashier had not charged us for all of our items. I got my kids in the car and took my receipt and unpaid items to the store. I found the manager and explained the situation. I told him that he wanted my children to see me do the right thing. The manager told my children that they should always be honest like his father and follow his lead. I am far from perfect and my children will tell you the same. But the grocery store manager’s words really hit me. And I remembered that my example; How I model my life before them would be pivotal in how my children would eventually live their lives.

Encourage: You have more control over your child’s or teen’s environment at home than when you are at school or with friends. You should encourage your child to seek out friends with positive self-leadership traits or they may gravitate to hanging out with friends or peers who have low levels of self-leadership and faulty moral compasses. But again, you must model a level of leadership that your child/teen can aspire to. Or you risk spiraling them into living in the realm of the pseudo-friends’ lower expectations and thereby limiting your overall leadership ability. Jim Burns, a writer for CBN, wrote: “Getting to know your teen’s friends will definitely give you insight into the morals and family values ​​that influence your son or daughter. In the process of getting to know your teen’s friends adolescent, he will learn a lot. about your own daughter or son too.” One of the best was to meet your son’s or daughters’ friends is to open your house to them. Invite your son’s friends to play, do homework, sleepovers, etc., at his house, where he can meet his friends.

Again, the steps you need to take to enhance your personal development as a leader, as well as your parenting skills as a parent or guardian, so you can guide your child on his leadership journey. While it’s not always easy, the four steps—expand, explain, experiment, and encourage—will require consistency on our part to raise the next generation of leaders.