Cleaning our deceased daughter’s house – The last goodbye

Seventeen months ago our daughter died from injuries she received in a car accident. Since that tragic accident we have walked with sorrow every day. We have also become GRG: grandparents raising grandchildren. My husband and I are the legal guardians of 16 year old fraternal twins. Raising them is our new life mission, a sacred mission, and we will do our best.

We are trying to help the twins deal with their grievance, move on with life, and set new goals. Cleaning our daughter’s house, the house she and the children loved so much, has been a harrowing experience. Our grandchildren packed a few things and after that they didn’t want to go home. Home had been a happy place, a place filled with love and laughter.

Now it was a sad and lonely place and we had to sell it.

Months ago, the rural towns of southeastern Minnesota were affected by tremendous flooding. Many families lost everything they owned and some were still living in government trailers. So instead of having an auction, my husband and I decided to donate the contents of our daughter’s house to Rushford Flood Relief. We discussed the idea with our grandchildren and they approved.

The contact organization was Our Savior Lutheran Church in Spring Valley, Minnesota. Packing the items took us several months. Items not designated for flood relief were donated to Goodwill. Last Saturday, a huge rental truck pulled up in front of the house. A smiling man with a white beard got out of the van and introduced himself as the pastor of the church. “This is a painful day for me,” I said, “and I’m going to cry.” He completely understood.

Twenty-two church volunteers (youth group and adult members) had offered to help. The president of the congregation gave them loading instructions. Before the charge began, the group gathered in a prayer circle. The Pastor asked God to bless the volunteers and thanked our family for their generosity. After the prayer, I added, “Many of you know our history. Our goal is to bring something good out of pain.” Tears rolled down my cheeks as I uttered these words.

Many volunteers personally thanked us for what we were doing. “There are a lot of good things here,” said one. “You’re going to help a lot of people.” The volunteers worked quickly and a “parade” of items walked out the door: dining tables, coffee tables, upright chairs, wingback chairs, lamps, televisions, computer workstations, dishes, pots and pans, bedding, porch furniture and more. . Two hours later, the truck was packed to the roof.

El Pastor closed the rear hatch, climbed into the truck and slowly drove away. I stood in front of the house and sobbed. Although there were still a few items on the floor and the garage had not yet been cleared, the last vestiges of our daughter’s daily life were gone. The next day I received an email from the president of the congregation.

According to him, volunteering had given the youth group members a better understanding of compassion and giving. He went on to say that 10 new volunteers unloaded the truck when he arrived in Rushford. Residents of flooded communities gathered around the truck and took the furniture and labeled boxes they needed. An hour later, just an hour, the truck was empty.

From the prayer circle to the volunteer meeting to the closing of the back hatch, the day was a religious experience. Giving to others made us feel better and we think it made our grandchildren feel better too. James Russell Lowell wrote about giving in “Sir Launfal’s Vision” and we hold his words to our hearts. He wrote:

Not what we give, but what we share.

Because the gift without the giver is naked;

Whoever gives with his alms feeds three…

Himself, his hungry neighbor and me.

Copyright 2008 by Harriet Hodgson