Communication that is not perfect

Do you ever worry that your communication is not perfect? Before your conversation (ie, in your head), you know what you want to say and how you want to say it. You may have also considered what the other person’s thoughts or objections may be. You may have even learned some new techniques (either in training or training), but when you put them into practice they don’t quite work.

Communication is rarely going to be perfect. No two moments are the same, and no two conversations are the same. So instead of having a hard time if our discussion didn’t go as planned, we have a great opportunity to learn from imperfections!

Stressing over a conversation and trying to make it perfect can only make it harder to pull off. And by being anxious, you can’t be the most effective YOU either.

I remember going through evaluations with my team, worrying about how I was going to say the right thing, especially if it was going to be seen as critical. How do I position it, when I say it, will they accept it or will the barriers go up and we will achieve nothing?

Human nature, and therefore communication, is complicated. We have different preferences, different work styles, different tolerances, and different motivational needs. We also have different experiences and knowledge that we draw on when we enter into any type of communication. What we hear and how we feel about the conversation is based on our own personal thoughts, and not necessarily on what we are told.

I’ve always loved this quote: “I know you think you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard isn’t what I meant.” – Pentagon spokesman Robert McCloskey

But we can help each other get the best out of our communication style. By relaxing and accepting that each conversation will be different, we take the pressure off ourselves. So we’re activating our executive part of our brain, where we can make connections and notice what’s going on during the conversation.

To help yourself (and the other party) get the best out of communication:

• Develop self-awareness to understand how your attitudes, behaviors, and beliefs contribute to your communication style.
• Develop your leadership skills to understand and appreciate different personality types and motivational needs.
• Build the confidence to actively listen, make mistakes, and encourage people to contribute to discussions.
• Understand how cognitive biases could be at play in your decision making and discussions.
• Take note of where someone has a different point of view and challenge their thinking about it.

When we are not busy stressing about our own “performance” during the conversation, we can observe the tone and facial expressions. We can sense when someone has lifted their barriers or is no longer listening. We can bring authenticity. And therefore, we no longer have to worry about less than perfect communication.