Flattery will get you everywhere, won’t it?

It is everywhere. We see it when people try to be nice to each other, and we experience it when someone tries to sell us something. It is a compliment. If you’re like me, you may have grown up thinking of it as a good thing, which captures the essence of the saying, “Well, flattery won’t get you anywhere,” or was it “everywhere”? We may have made joking comments about it, but unconsciously we saw it and knew it was not right. The point is, we don’t usually see the problem with that; we don’t see it for ‘what’ it really is.

Flattery (or in various ways obsequiousness) is negligible because it is given to scam. It is “excessive praise for self-interest.” Or put another way; it is the act of giving excessive compliments, generally for the purpose of ingratiating yourself with the subject.[1] It generally connotes insincerity. It is a deception to get what the flatterer wants.

Dale Carnegie once said, “Flattery is telling the other person precisely what you think of yourself.” And the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates said, “Flattery is like friendship on display, but not fruit.” It is hollow, false and harmful.

The opposite of Flattery is communicating honestly and smoothly. It is a communication motivated only by the real need, and the praise is only given when it is justified. I would not deliver praise for any other reason, and definitely not for personal gain. Servility is not just the transmission of soft or sweet words; it is really the broad intention of selfishness and lack of character that drives it.

Vanity (a form of mortal sin, pride) is the reason we fall in love with compliments sometimes want believing the “excessive praise” we receive, unconsciously pretending that they are true. Right now, the truth doesn’t matter that much, after all, the lie makes us feel great, and if a person can say it, well, it might be true enough that they believe it too, so why not others? Do we see any denial here?

Vanity is a trap, pure and simple. Pride precedes destruction, as the old saying goes. People who accept compliments when they are given show their weakness for them and are the most susceptible to them in the future. The person who behaves foolish enough to flatter will find vain people constantly clinging to them. Birds of the same plumage stick together, as the popular saying goes.

Flattery is a duplicity and a prelude to deception. One of the most important Christian prophecies[2] about the end of time he mentions that ‘flattery will corrupt’ those who are corruptible. This is not a good place to be. Not falling into the trap but standing your ground is wise.

We must be careful with false praise. There is probably more happening to you than you think. Take a moment to think about those who are trying to achieve your esteem; wanting to get into your good books. If they are testing you, be careful; Be on your guard, because they lie to get something from you or from others that they cannot or cannot bother to obtain legitimately. Sweet talk is a cover for someone’s true intention.

Sycophancy (another word for that) is a favorite behavior of the ‘proverbial fool’. They treat others the way they want to be treated. They can’t think and speak honestly, so the best thing that comes out of their mouths is a ‘nice lie’. However, pleasant lies have the nature of being wrong and, in truth, are no more pleasant than a terrible lie.

What can we learn from people who flatter us? Or perhaps we recognize within ourselves the propensity for this type of behavior? The most likely places you could be involved in this behavior are at work or in social scenes where you might feel the need to ‘wet your nose’. No matter what your instincts tell you, it is Never a good idea to engage in this behavior.

We have to be authentic and sincere in our compliment behavior. We need to be specific, timely and fair.

© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved worldwide.

[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flattery.

[2] See Daniel 11:32.