My husband doesn’t want to improve our marriage: tips and advice that can help

The other day, I heard from a wife who told me that no matter what she did or said, she couldn’t get her husband involved when it came to working on their marriage. Specifically, she said, “I can’t convince my husband to work with me to improve our marriage. I’m not sure I can do this for myself. How can I get him to change his mind because I? If we don’t do something, will we eventually end up divorced? “

This is such a common problem. I rarely see situations where both parties are fully and equally committed to making things work. There is usually a resistance. And, as frustrating as it is, this can be fine. In fact, you can do a lot to save your marriage on your own. If you play your cards right, your husband will likely recover eventually. It’s important not to push too hard as you are making real changes behind the scenes. I will discuss more about this matter in the next article.

Improving your marriage on your own: Many people don’t believe me when I say that you can actually transform your marriage without needing your husband’s cooperation, especially in the beginning. I often encounter a lot of resistance to this and hear comments like “I can’t make you work with me and if you aren’t working with me then nothing is going to change in our marriage. I can’t do this.” all on my own. “While you will likely need at least some cooperation from you eventually, you can certainly start the process on your own. Even small successful changes that you can implement will usually inspire you to take some action.

Often times, men do not automatically agree to work in marriage due to some things. The first is simple semantics. It is part of human nature to withdraw from things that we think will not be desirable or very fun. And hearing phrases like “working on our marriage” often involves hard work for a man and he will want to avoid it. Another reason we sometimes don’t get the husband’s cooperation is because the husband thinks this is all a waste of time, as nothing ever changes. Over time, you get tired and immune to trying things that just don’t work or make a real difference.

Your job now is to show him wrong on these assumptions. You want to start showing him real, lasting change that will really benefit him and provide positive feelings that come easily rather than negative feelings that read like a lot of work and not really long-lasting anyway.

How to start saving your marriage with one hand: There are many ways to start. I recommend that the first step is to carefully examine your marriage and identify where you (yourself) could begin to improve it. What role does it play in the issues at hand? This is a good place to start. Most people neglect their marriage in terms of time and effort. So if you are now willing to make your marriage and improvement a top priority, you are already ahead of the game. Giving your husband more of your time and attention will be one of those things that will read positively and he hasn’t had to do anything.

Next, you will want to identify what it is that you want from your husband. If you could make it change in any way, what would it be? For example, if you want more affection from him, you should model him by giving him more of your affection. If you want me to listen to you more, become a good listener. Often when I tell people these things, they resist me a bit. I hear comments like “this seems backwards. How will it benefit me to give you what I want?” Believe me when I say yes and if you make a sincere effort, you will see that I am right. Modeling the behaviors you want to see, showing them, and not just telling him what you want the marriage to look like. He is not going to resist this because you are the one who does all the work and he is the one who benefits.

And, once you feel more fulfilled and satisfied and begin to see that things can really change without the process being too painful, you will begin to recover. Because a happy spouse will reflect it on you. An example of this is when you start dating. The two of them couldn’t do enough for each other and as a result, they were both happy without feeling like either of them was making overwhelming sacrifices. The key is to be really honest about what you want and then just show him (and yourself) that more of this can exist in the marriage without too much difficulty.

Delay serious talks about your marriage:A common mistake that many people who are trying to improve their marriages on their own is that they will telegraph what they are doing. They will come out right away and tell their husband or wife that they are going on a solo journey to save our marriage path. This will often make the spouse on the fence defensive or uncooperative. You don’t need any additional resistance, so just get started on our own without telling them. You can explain more later once things are much better.

And you shouldn’t try to have long, drawn-out talks about why the marriage isn’t working or try to convince him to air out your dirty laundry or share your deepest feelings. Men are extremely resistant to these kinds of conversations anyway, and you want to focus on making positive changes in your marriage, without drawing attention to what’s wrong. Of course, there will come a time when this will have to happen for you to troubleshoot, but wait until you’re on board before trying.